I always used to think the worst feeling in the world was being scared. It’s restricting and limiting and can make your entire body shake and tremble. It can make you miss out on what could be some of the best things in life. We get scared when we think that something is going to hurt us. When we worry that something is not as it seems. When we realize that something might not turn out the way we had hoped. Being scared is unknown and it can be overwhelming. But I think when your fears come true and you see that you were disillusioned, that feeling is much worse. Disappointment. That’s what it all comes down to, the heartbreak I mean. It’s disappointment. It’s realizing that maybe you confused something else for love. And not being able to understand what that something else was. It’s seeing the version of the person you love shatter right in front of you. It’s deciding to choose the best case scenario only to be presented with the worst case scenario. And I think when this happens enough, that’s what makes us scared. We know what’s coming. And we know it’s going to hurt. We don’t fear loving. Because we know that what’s even more intimidating is being loved back. We are scared to let others in because there’s nothing worse than allowing ourselves to get used to someone’s love only for it to be taken away. Routine. When their love is routine we start to need it. We crave it like we thirst for water. But what happens when there’s a drought? And what’s scarier, losing the love or realizing that maybe it was never even there? Disappointment. At the end of it all, the only thing left to feel was disappointment. Every, single, time.

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