October 9th

I know that like the ocean tide I should let you go as easily as I let you come but all I want is to be engulfed by your presence, swept up by your undertow

To be loved and to love are not the same

To be loved by you feels like breathing,

Effortless, vital, life giving

To love you feels like suffocating, grasping for air that I know is sparse,

Wishing for you to fill my lungs when I need you

Knowing you’ll only be there when you want to

I have so many questions that are suppressed by the fear of sabotaging what we have

Knowing I am capable of letting my curiosity and insecurity take over our skinny trust

Little love

Fragile enough to end, enduring enough to blossom

So much resting on our ability to just let it be this time

But I can’t stop myself from wondering

How did it feel for you?

To miss me

Did you wish for me

In moments of joy

Or what about

When your heart shed tears?

In lustful day dreams?

How did it feel?

Did you wonder if you lost me

Or did you assume I would be here

Waiting for you despite our mutually inflicted pain

Did you know you never left my mind

Not even for a day

How did it feel for you?

Did I leave yours?

What took you so long

And why did you come back

Are you going to stay this time?

These are the questions I have that I will ask only myself

Too afraid to know the answer

Reluctant to challenge you on something I’m not sure you’re ready to face.

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